12 February 2007
Short Parody: "Making Hatter Madder: An Alice in Wonderland Spoof"
PRUDE WARNING: This story contains a vague reference to an unusual - but very unrealistic - fetish. Reader discretion is advised; parents shall be responsible if their kid happens to read this, and suffers "emotional trauma," or other similar B.S. If anyone does read this and has a problem, I suggest you unplug your computer, and beat it with the nearest blunt, heavy object you can find - the Internet has far worse things.
I wrote this story a few days ago, but given that today is my birthday.. I figured it would be an interesting time to have it "jump the queue," and end up on the Web.
After all, shouldn't something that twists something already twisted - Wonderland - be posted on an un-unbirthday?
The story joins the Disney movie plot-line, at the Mad Hatter's tea party - immediately after the Hatter smashed the White Rabbit's "jammed watch," pronouncing it "two days slow:"
****************************************
I.
Immediately after being horrified by the murder of his golden watch, the White Rabbit's shock quickly turned to anger.
One might have thought white fur would turn to red, as he stared down the Mad Hatter.
"You.. you.. you imbecile!" the Rabbit yelled. "I've had that watch since I was a baby, and my father before me! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"But.. that's the standard and accepted way of fixing a mad watch.."
"Didn't you think of taking it to a watchsmith?!"
"Smithies use hammers, too."
"That's a blacksmith, you blockhead!"
"Umm..."
Before the Hatter really had time to think of a proper response, the little white bunny seized a mallet - the same mallet used by the Hatter on his own watch, just a few minutes ago.
Mr. White Rabbit stood before the Mad Hatter, his face looking as if - perhaps - he should instead be called Mr. White Rabid.
"Uh.. Mr. White Rabbit, what exactly do you plan to do with that mallet?"
WHAM!
The Hatter collapsed upon his cup of tea.
****************
II.
When the Hatter came to, he looked upon the White Rabbit..
..and a fifty-foot tall Queen of Hearts.
"Whoa.. why is she so huge?" the Hatter asked, dazed and bound securely.
"I've made special arrangements with her, Hatter!" Mr. White Rabbit replied, sarcastically.
"Why?"
"For a very special party."
"Um.. what party?"
"Your Unbirthday."
THE END
**************************************** ¶ 2/12/2007 04:12:00 PM
PRUDE WARNING: This story contains a vague reference to an unusual - but very unrealistic - fetish. Reader discretion is advised; parents shall be responsible if their kid happens to read this, and suffers "emotional trauma," or other similar B.S. If anyone does read this and has a problem, I suggest you unplug your computer, and beat it with the nearest blunt, heavy object you can find - the Internet has far worse things.
I wrote this story a few days ago, but given that today is my birthday.. I figured it would be an interesting time to have it "jump the queue," and end up on the Web.
After all, shouldn't something that twists something already twisted - Wonderland - be posted on an un-unbirthday?
The story joins the Disney movie plot-line, at the Mad Hatter's tea party - immediately after the Hatter smashed the White Rabbit's "jammed watch," pronouncing it "two days slow:"
****************************************
I.
Immediately after being horrified by the murder of his golden watch, the White Rabbit's shock quickly turned to anger.
One might have thought white fur would turn to red, as he stared down the Mad Hatter.
"You.. you.. you imbecile!" the Rabbit yelled. "I've had that watch since I was a baby, and my father before me! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"But.. that's the standard and accepted way of fixing a mad watch.."
"Didn't you think of taking it to a watchsmith?!"
"Smithies use hammers, too."
"That's a blacksmith, you blockhead!"
"Umm..."
Before the Hatter really had time to think of a proper response, the little white bunny seized a mallet - the same mallet used by the Hatter on his own watch, just a few minutes ago.
Mr. White Rabbit stood before the Mad Hatter, his face looking as if - perhaps - he should instead be called Mr. White Rabid.
"Uh.. Mr. White Rabbit, what exactly do you plan to do with that mallet?"
WHAM!
The Hatter collapsed upon his cup of tea.
****************
II.
When the Hatter came to, he looked upon the White Rabbit..
..and a fifty-foot tall Queen of Hearts.
"Whoa.. why is she so huge?" the Hatter asked, dazed and bound securely.
"I've made special arrangements with her, Hatter!" Mr. White Rabbit replied, sarcastically.
"Why?"
"For a very special party."
"Um.. what party?"
"Your Unbirthday."
THE END
**************************************** ¶ 2/12/2007 04:12:00 PM
